نص حلقة: Dating Coach: The #1 Sign He’ll Actually Stay with You | Jillian Turecki
Jay Shetty Podcast2026-09-01
Dating Coach: The #1 Sign He’ll Actually Stay with You | Jillian Turecki
Overview
Topic: Dating and Relationship Advice
In this episode, Jay Shetty sits down with relationship expert and dating coach Jillian Turecki to discuss the biggest mistakes people make in modern dating. They explore the pitfalls of relying solely on dating apps, the fear of rejection, and the psychological reasons behind our attraction to emotionally unavailable partners. Jillian shares insights from her book, 'It Begins with You,' emphasizing the importance of self-esteem, clear communication, and aligning on core values to build a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
Minute by Minute (28)
[00:00 - 01:00] Relying Solely on Dating Apps
Jay Shetty asks Jillian Turecki about the biggest mistakes people make in dating. Jillian explains that relying solely on dating apps can lead to burnout and exhaustion.
[01:00 - 02:00] Being Proactive and Managing Expectations
Jillian discusses the importance of being proactive, widening one's social circle, and managing expectations when going on dates to avoid disappointment.
[02:00 - 03:00] Avoiding Prolonged Texting
Jillian advises against prolonged texting before meeting, suggesting transitioning to FaceTime, Zoom, or in-person meetings quickly to avoid false intimacy.
[03:00 - 04:00] The Fear of Rejection
Jay and Jillian discuss the fear of rejection, explaining how it manifests as resistance to dating or canceling dates at the last minute.
[04:00 - 05:00] Handling Rejection
Jillian emphasizes that the quality of our lives is determined by how we handle rejection, noting that someone not being into you simply means they are not the right fit.
[05:00 - 06:00] Building Resilience
Jillian explains the importance of building resilience against rejection, while Jay notes that finding the right partner naturally involves meeting many people who aren't the one.
[06:00 - 07:00] Slowing Down Love
Jay discusses the tendency to rush love and asks how to slow down. Jillian explains that love is a continuous choice rather than just a fleeting feeling.
[07:00 - 08:00] The Myth of Being Rescued
Jillian talks about the societal myth of a single person rescuing us, explaining that long-term relationships require repeatedly choosing your partner.
[08:00 - 09:00] Uncovering Character and Values
Jillian discusses how chemistry can sometimes mislead us, emphasizing the need to slow down to uncover a person's true character and values.
[09:00 - 10:00] The Importance of Partner Choice
Jillian highlights that choosing a partner is one of life's most important decisions, which directly impacts overall emotional well-being.
[10:00 - 11:00] Mismatched Attraction
Jay asks why we are often attracted to people who aren't interested in us. Jillian shares theories, starting with how low self-esteem can trigger this dynamic.
[11:00 - 12:00] Low Self-Esteem and Unavailable Partners
Jillian explains how people with lower self-esteem project their ideal partner onto emotionally unavailable individuals, creating an illusion of validation.
[12:00 - 13:00] Childhood Wounds and Earning Love
Jillian discusses childhood wounds, explaining how some people feel they must work hard to earn love rather than believing they are worthy of it as they are.
[13:00 - 14:00] Fear of Intimacy
Jillian explores the fear of intimacy, explaining how pursuing emotionally unavailable people can be an unconscious defense mechanism to avoid vulnerability.
[14:00 - 15:00] Rewarding Bad Behavior
Jay asks about the mindset that 'there are no good men left.' Jillian shares a story of a friend who believed this but kept rewarding bad behavior with second dates.
[15:00 - 16:00] Misguided Masculinity
Jillian explains how women can sometimes mistake a man's 'toughness' or dark edge for protective masculinity, even when he is emotionally unsafe.
[16:00 - 17:00] Self-Perception and Relationship Dynamics
Jay and Jillian discuss how our self-perception shapes our relationship dynamics, emphasizing that self-awareness and self-esteem must be built together.
[17:00 - 18:00] Building Self-Esteem
Jillian explains that self-esteem is raised by being brave and looking at hard truths, while also acknowledging one's inherent strength and resilience.
[18:00 - 19:00] Standing in Our Own Way
Jillian discusses how healing happens when we acknowledge how we stand in our own way, and Jay asks about the belief that 'all the good ones are taken.'
[19:00 - 20:00] The One That Got Away
Jay asks if 'the one that got away' actually exists. Jillian suggests it is often a romanticized story we tell ourselves to cope with poor choices.
[20:00 - 21:00] Pedestalizing Past Partners
Jillian explains that we often pedestalize past partners when we are unhappy with our current reality, creating a nostalgic illusion.
[21:00 - 22:00] The Nostalgia Effect
Jay and Jillian discuss the 'nostalgia effect' and how it distorts past memories, making them seem much better than they actually were.
[22:00 - 23:00] Relationship Maintenance
Jay and Jillian discuss the importance of maintenance in relationships, noting that humans are often excited by beginnings and endings but ignore the middle phase.
[23:00 - 24:00] Prioritizing the Relationship
Jillian advises couples to prioritize each other over their children, shake things up to bring novelty, and establish routines for connection.
[24:00 - 25:00] Mindful Connection
Jillian emphasizes the importance of physical touch and presence, explaining that small mindful actions can have a huge positive ripple effect.
[25:00 - 26:00] Choosing Who to Focus On
Jay asks how to know who to focus on if there is no 'the one.' Jillian answers that you should focus on the person who treats you well and respects you.
[25:00 - 26:00] Being Yourself and Shared Values
Jillian explains that being able to be your true self and sharing core values are the most critical criteria for a long-term partner.
[27:00 - 28:00] Compatibility Over Chemistry
Jillian concludes that while chemistry is important, shared values and compatibility on what a 'life well-lived' means are what sustain a relationship through hard times.
Broadcaster Questions (8)
[00:00] What are the three biggest mistakes I'm making in dating right now?
Context: Jay Shetty asks Jillian Turecki about the most common mistakes people make when navigating the modern dating scene.
[03:41] What do we do about both of those types of our fear of rejection?
Context: Jay Shetty asks Jillian how to handle the fear of being rejected and the fear of having to reject someone else.
[06:43] How do we learn to acknowledge our strengths and accept our weaknesses?
Context: Jay Shetty asks Jillian how to balance building self-esteem with maintaining self-awareness of our shortcomings.
[10:21] Why is it that we end up being attracted to people that are not into us, and then people are into us, we're not into them?
Context: Jay Shetty asks Jillian about the psychological reasons behind mismatched attraction in dating.
[13:33] What's your take on the mindset that a lot of people can naturally get stuck into which is like 'there's no good men left'?
Context: Jay Shetty asks Jillian how to address the common belief that all the good potential partners are already taken.
[14:52] What's the difference between telling the truth and being worried about being too honest too early on?
Context: Jay Shetty asks Jillian about the boundary between healthy honesty and oversharing early in a relationship.
[17:00] If there is no 'the one', how do you know who to focus on? How do you know who to make it work with?
Context: Jay Shetty asks Jillian how to choose a partner to build a life with if the concept of a single soulmate is a myth.
[19:54] Does 'the one that got away' actually exist?
Context: Jay Shetty asks Jillian whether the concept of 'the one that got away' is real or just a romanticized narrative.
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